Vitium’s blog

In the days of TBS vs Brand New, we drove through the cicadas towards the night. Felt as good as ever, everyone would never forget. I've heard you never have friends like you do when your young, and I've never heard anything more truthful. When I'm old, the only thing I want is to be able to remember how that felt. How I felt about my friends, and myself, and my life. To remember that is what heaven is like. I've spend nearly six years mourning the death of a summer. I just want to be able to hold onto it like the memory of a dead relative. 

It is Tuesday. At least it isn't Monday.

I really need to get the USB card thing for my camera. That thing is the biggest waste of money ever. Besides maybe the replacement beeper for my car alarm that doesn't work.

Juliann texted me yesterday and we were very truthful with each other. It is scary for me to think that I could loose her. Even though we have been so far apart I definitely still like her. She wants me to come see her this weekend. We will see.

So what should I be doing with my life? I am in school now. I feel like I should move, or start a band and tour. Or anything but what I'm doing. Although, I could go to school for music production. Tommy said he would introduce me to his sister who is in Automatic Lover Letter. They are looking for a guitarist. I would instantly drop everything to go on tour with them.

When I was about 15, I realized that I was a very fucked up person. I have a pretty anti-social personality. I decided that rather than killing myself, I would just be content with living in exclusion from most other people as well as things I want to do.

I will never go on tour, travel the world, play shows, or have a girl friend. I suck pretty hard. Especially with females. By all means I should probably kill myself but I just don't have the will power for that.

I'm going to stop being around females. I am terribad at it.

Book to read: Panic In Level Four by Richard Preston

I managed to track down the livejournal account and myspace of an old friend of mine. Well not really a friend, but someone I admired. She isn't even someone who would want to talk to me. But I admire her for who she is. I am envious of her in some ways. 

I wish I had a shotgun so I could fucking spray my skull onto a wall. Fuck everyone.

I've always wanted to use this journal as a personal archive as well as a blog. I really, really need to start using my camera more often. I should make a point of it. This is my new favorite music video ever:

So I don't really have any work to do at my job, and I'm just kinda feeling melancholy about my life and myself. Seems like a good time to complain about stuff in an online journal to me. I should really try to stop complaining. Maybe I will make it a conscious thing. Ya that sounds like a good idea. I won't complain anymore and see how that goes.

Well I'll start after I write this.

When I came back from New York, I had no plans or goals. I got a job and after working for six months I felt unsatisfied. I decided to go back to school. Now I'm in school and working and I feel glad that I'm making progress in my life; but I have this distinct lack of motivation to go to school and do homework and to even hang out with my friends.

FUCK can't write all this bullshit. I'm bummed, I need some new friends that don't suck balls, Jesus save me.